Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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