I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I understand Curling. That high.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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