if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
