he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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