alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
