i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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