brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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