careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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