I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize