guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
