Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
