Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just gargled with NyQuil
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
