roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
