well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
