the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
