It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
