Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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