Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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