6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
