i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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