I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Damn victory sex feels great
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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