Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize