hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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