Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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