I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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