my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
