Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
