The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
