I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
