i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Randomize
