I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Randomize
