I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
