My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
