I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I pour the whiskey from now on
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
