The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
