Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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