Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
