Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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