Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
The dick lei will go down in squad history
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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