laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
