I think i sorta joined a cult last night
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
