Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
