Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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