I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
