Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
