This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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