May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
