NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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