Betty ford says i'm here all night
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
