sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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