we have officially lost it.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
