What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
