Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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