Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize