Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I have post one night stand depression
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
