dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
