I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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