I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
