So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
