Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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