yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
