you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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