still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize