is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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