none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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