you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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