I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize