gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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