How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize