I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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